Monday, February 20, 2012

What would you do? Keep the gifts or contact police?

I am a college professor. I graduated from Stanford, UC Davis, and went on to receive my Phd from UF at the age of 26. I am married to a wonderful man who received his Phd, and we have no children. I am in a sorority and he is in a fraternity. My life was perfect before the incident below took place.





When I came back to work from the break recently, I had a package waiting for me in the office, from an anonymous sender. Inside it contained gift certificates for (from what I've heard) are very expensive restaurants. Restaurants in San Francisco, such as "Aqua", "Jardiniere", "Benihana's", "Farallon", "Gary Danko", "Masa's" "Fleur De Lys", "Postrio's" I've never even heard of most of these restaurants before, let alone eaten at them, but I have a feeling that someone from my past sent them to me out of guilt, and there is no forwarding address, so I can't send it back.





A part of me wants to keep it, but this person that I am assuming it is, slept with my husband 3 years ago, and then turned around and lied about being pregnant with his child. She told me that she had issues because of being molested as a child, had low self esteem and that she lied about the pregnancy to get me to leave my cheating husband, because she thought I deserved better. I was furious with him and we suffered tons of backlash from their actions, but I didn't leave him. She was a girl that I was trying to mentor, and who was in my class as a communications student. Over a year's worth of time, we developed a cool bond and I don't know why she did what she did, but I forgave my husband and told her to get lost and to seek psychological help. After I found out and told her off, she called non-stop for forgiveness on and off for about a year and a half. She finally stopped for a year or so now, Suddenly I get these expensive restaurant gift certificates (no note, no forwarding address) and I mean for like $200.00-$500.00 a piece. Who else would do this and for what? I told her a while back that the least she could do, was to never contact myself or my husband again, but I guess the guilt wont let her. What would you do? Should I keep letting her send this to me or contact the police? I am a college professor and so is my husband and I don't want any negative attention for neither one of us, because of this incident. I just want to move on with my life and forget that this ever happened.|||If you don't want them then give them away. The police are not going to do anything since you don't even know for sure who sent them. Even if she was the one who sent them it is not a crime. Give them to your students or friends if you don't want to use them yourself.|||That was too long to finish. And what does this have to do with genders studies?





Don't be so sure that these coupons are from your husband's old friend. It is possible that these restaurants sent you a coupon book so that people will try their restaurant. You said that you never heard of many of them, so they are probably new, and trying to drum up new business.|||And if you called the police...you would expect them to do what?


She hasnt been in contact for over a year, so it's hardly stalking and it's not illegal to send a package without an address or to send gift cards.


The police, really wouldn't do anything for you.





But I do think you might be right, she's on a guilt trip about the whole thing, wants to try and make things right.


Giving the two of you a chance to go to some fancy restaurants, to help repair/rekindle your relationship, is actually kinda thoughtful(not that it negates what was done)


Take them, dress up, and enjoy a date with your husband. (just no thinking and talking about her while on the date)|||What the H*ll do the police have to do with this???????????





Keep watching CSI and you will probably see this woman behind every tree on the street. Will you involve the police everytime your husband is out banging some loser?





Give the Gifts to a charity. Drop them off at a radio station and make sure they go to some worhty cause or take them to the local pet shelter and treat the workers and maybe something good can come from the fact that your husband can't keep his pants on.





I gather your the type of person that calls 911 when your order at Mcdonalds is wrong.|||I've never heard of somebody going to prison for sending somebody a gift. Just use em. ////// --- is right. Aren't sororities, and fraternities for students, not PhD holders?|||keep em. lol or better yet send em to me if u dont want em. personally the girl sounds liek she's obsessed with your hubby and naturally both sexes are wired to cheat men moreso since they are more instinctual than women are .. plus they will sleep with just about anyone. and women if they cheat its emotional men its about fulfilling a need. first things off.. all fair in love and war her guilt or obsession has u gaining stuff so why nto keep it? police wont do anything though u might eb able to put a restraining order on her .. but hey u actually talked to her. first off .. her guilt is actually serving u some good. i'd keep em and i've dealt with cheaters... again as i say all fair in love and war. just keep the stuff and about the looks of stuff? why worry about what others think of u? everyone has a dirty secret locked away in thier closet. it's normal.. besides.. u didnt hurt her and all she did was sleep with your partner. humans were nto wired to be monogamous as a college preofessor i think u should know that cheating in men is all science. he might be a college professor but don't mean he doesnt act like more than 60% of men out htere.. nor does it say he can teach any less than he does now.. unless its about commitment and trust.... if thats what he teaches. first off ... if it bothers u that much why don't u do a nice thing for someone and get her help .. since she's given u so many material goods... and why does getting gifts from her bother u? sounds like u have things on your chest and sounds like to me that u havent forgiven him at all. sry i might be steppign on your toes a bit but when soemthing as good as getting gifts from someone hurts u.. it means u still have major issues with it. plus u just ignoring the problem instead of facing it head on. and sounds like to me and no offense menat.. u didnt get married cuz u loved the guy but b/c it makes u a professor look good. u stated u were a professor a few times when it really only needed to be said once. u my dear have serious image issues and its affecting your relationships with people.. u ever think thats maybe why he cheated on you in the first place? and this girl may have made a mistake by sleepign with a married guy but it sounds to me like shes sorry.. why does that bother u? that veneer u call a professor ought to go back to the school of life.for all your knowlegede u sure got alot to learn about humans in general.|||The part about getting professional psychological therapy sounds like a really good idea. For you.





The gifts do not matter unless there is some kind of ethical issue about professors receiving gifts. You could ebay them and donate the cash to charities.|||i would take those 'gifts' and with the holidays coming up give them to a church or children's charity so they can auction them off and put the money to some good use.....if she keeps sending keep donating....if she is the one who bought them she probably has a way of finding out if they get used and by whom and when she realizes that it's not you and your husband maybe she'll get the hint to leave you alone.....but do put them to good use for the greater good of your community|||I stopped reading after you told me you and your husband each earned a PhD and then stated "I am in a sorority and he is in a fraternity".





This does not happen in real life. Its just tooooo ridiculous. "Cool bond"? Lol.

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